Black Sheep of the Family

So, once again, I can't do anything right.

When my dad came in today he headed straight for the pantry and took out the trash. I put down my computer and jumped up to help. My sister and mom were closer but were looking at something on my mom's computer. I grabbed the "newspaper recycling" near my mom's chair and he grabbed the trash and the recycling can in the pantry. I offer to take the other recycling and he pushes past me. I say "I was just trying to help" and he says "yeah well I just got done working 8 hours and the first thing I have to do is take out the trash" and I said "You could have told me to do it" and he says "yeah, I could have"

Now, I do realize that I should have done it earlier but I hadn't been in the pantry like all day so I didn't know what the trash situation looked like. Also, he gave me the biting remarks when I was the one who HELPED, unlike my sister. I helped. She didn't. So why should I be the one he is getting upset at?

My parents seem to have extremely short fuses when it comes to me. My sister just spent hundreds of dollars at the mall today when my mom told her to try and not spend too much and now I am the one sitting in my room, while the three of them are one big happy family without me.

I don't doubt that being transgendered is contributing to this. I mean, I did ruin all of their lives. My mom and dad won't have the daughter they always dreamed I would be. And my sister doesn't get the sister she has always wanted. Sure, I have to deal with the whole world hating me and going through surgeries and a life time of sticking a needle in my self, but that's nothing compared to the shame they must feel of having to deal with me. Sometimes, I just think it would be better to just try and ignore it and pretend to be the girl they always wanted me to be.