Post-Thanksgiving

Besides the food and the break from school, Thanksgiving was generally horrible. It was just a whole week of them calling me by my female name and by female pronouns and stuff. I did get a break in the beginning by going to Disneyland with a friend of mine but, as I didn't bring it up, she more than likely doesn't even remember to call me by Finn and male pronouns. But since it was the two of us she didn't really use female one's either. But anyway, I got increasingly frustrated, both at them and myself. Them because I have told them, or at least my mom who told the others, and hoped that they would at least be trying. And me because I'm not 'reminding' them. I'm not because I'm not a pushy person and don't like confrontation, I guess at least about stuff like this. I just don't know how I'm going to last a whole month at winter break.

On the morning that my sister and I were to leave I showed my mom the Degrassi episodes "My Body is a Cage" parts 1 and 2. I fast-forwarded through the B and C plots as we did not have much time. For those who do not know, these episodes feature Adam, the first ever regular trans teen in scripted television. When we first see Adam in the episode (when the episode starts) he is in the car with his brother, Drew, and their mom. My mom then says "You can totally tell she's a girl". That did not feel too good. Then later on in the episode Adam is talking to Clare and Eli and my mom says: "She looks a lot like so-and-so." And I'm like, "Who? Clare?" And my mom, with an annoyed voice says: "Okay HE looks a lot like so-and-so" like it pained her to talk about Adam as a he. The so-and-so she was talking about was a female too. But, since the actor who plays Adam is a female, I suppose that's not all bad. Then later when Adam is talking to his mom he asks if when she looks at him if she sees a boy or a girl. She answers: a girl. My mom says: "She gave birth to a GIRL! She -" and I stop her, though I wish I didn't, I kinda wonder what she would said. I explained that Audra, the mom, is possibly Adam's step-mom, but that they haven't really revealed that yet.

After we finished watching that she continued on as she did before. Still not even trying. She hasn't even talked to me about it. I was hoping that showing her these two episodes would help her understand how I am feeling, since it hits on a lot of things that I am feeling. But she probably didn't see it like I did. She was probably rooting for Adam to stay Gracie because it was easier on his mom.

As for traveling while sort of presenting as male, it wasn't all that bad. When I had to show my ID to get through security I just got a few odd looks and then they let me pass. It might have been different if I had been binding but, as I had a large jacket on, I think my chest was well hidden anyway. On the way back we got into a bit of a snafu with our planes. You see, the first one was delayed for an hour so when we landed our connecting flight already took off. We had to wait a few hours until we could eventually get on a bus to take us to our final destination, as the only other flights that day were full and my sister and I did not want to sleep in an airport. Anyway, since we had to wait such a long time to finally get home, I had to use the bathroom. Normally I do my best to hold it until I can get home and I usually steer clear of using public bathrooms. Yesterday was the first time in about a year and a half that I've used a public bathroom. I used the women's bathroom because I figured I wasn't passing that well and I'd rather have security called on me and I can just show them my ID then to get beaten by some jerk in the men's bathroom. Lucky for me it wasn't that crowded so I was able to go in and get out with only a few stares.

I'll end it here. If my mom, doubtful as it is, decides to talk to me about the Degrassi thing then I'll post something about that. Since I only showed her it yesterday she might need a little time to think it through.